When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
