you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
