I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
