My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
