Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
