he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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