Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
