When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
