I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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