puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
