Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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