I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
