I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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