He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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