i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
