HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
