your thong is hanging out like whoa
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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