I want to stick my p in your. b.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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