The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
