it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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