bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
