The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
