guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
