dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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