This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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