ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
