Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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