So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
