you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
