Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
