SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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