Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
