I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize