Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
not ubering you a puppy
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
