Jerry, you need to find god
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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