Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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