then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
