Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
