Cold hands, warm shart.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
