so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
