Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize