Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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