so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
