I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
