He uses pillows to masturbate.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
