He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
