hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
