Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
