Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
