He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
