is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
