just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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