you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
