So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
