these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There r osticjed everywhere
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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