And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
