So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
