Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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