A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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