a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
