im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
