My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
