he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
