I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
