I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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